Press Release:  Jenna Bush to Volunteer for Front Lines in Iraq

CRAWFORD, TEXAS - Jenna Bush, daughter of President George W. Bush will announce tomorrow that she has decided to enlist in the U.S Army and serve on the front lines in Iraq.  The Bush family denies that her decision and the timing of the announcement are related to the growing occupation of Crawford, Texas by Americans opposed to Bush's personal war of genocide against the Muslim People.  Jenna, when asked by a reporter about her decision, quipped, "I just kind of feel like I have a responsibility to kill Muslims too, you know, like my Dad."

A spokesman for the Bush family clarified her response indicating that Jenna is just trying to do the right thing.  "With thousands of American mothers and fathers burying the remains of their children, any daughter of a President not willing to enlist and take on her share of the slaughter would be un-American."  Jenna Bush's only friend, however, questioned the seriousness of Jenna's commitment to defending her father's honor.  "Look, Jenna is a spoiled brat and I'm certain that she feels upstaged by the protest in Crawford.  This is just her way of winning back a little of the attention she believes she deserves."

The prospect of Jenna Bush fighting on the frontlines in Iraq has sent a chill down the spine of Secret Service agents assigned to protect her.  Accustomed to rescuing Jenna from criminal charges such as under aged drinking and panty flashing, marching off to war is a radical and harsh change.  One agent commented that unless he was given combat pay, he'd find another job within the government.  "Perhaps I will join the FBI where I can spend my day looking at Kiddy Porn," he retorted with a grin.

Jenna is scheduled to hold a press conference just outside the ranch in Crawford on Sunday Morning.