Stealth

Deep in the bowels of Sony Pictures a meeting was held concerning an untapped demographic. Despite it having no plot intricacies, metaphors or relationships and villians other than the most simplistic, it was discovered that there were a group of filmgoers for whom Top Gun proved too much a challenge. The executives at this meeting then decided that it was imperative that a film be made to tap into this group. Thus Rob Cohen brings us Stealth, a film that requires no cerebral cortex to enjoy. In fact, it demands a lack of a brain to take it seriously.

Gannon (Josh Lucas), Wade (Jessica Biel) and Purcell (Oscar-winner Jamie Foxx) are Navy pilots. They are in fact, the cream of the crop having been the top three out of over 400 applicants for an exclusive Navy program. That this takes place in the immediate future bodes well for those who lament the massive power of the current American empire as the stupidity of the team is rivaled only by the plot of Stealth. Indeed it is indicative that the squad CO (Sam Shepard) has to tell the Gannon that Tajikistan "is one of those breakaway republics that used to be part of the Soviet Union," and that Purcell believes that all prime numbers are lucky. Top guns indeed. Gannon & team are to train with a new unmanned aerial combat vehicle named, not joking here, the Extreme Deep Invader, or EDI for short. EDI's programming though is transformed when he is struck by lightening. Besides the lightening giving some consciousness to EDI, it apparently saddles it with only awful dialogue. It kind of makes you wonder if everyone in this film had been struck by lightening to similar effect. With villians right out of Bush's "Axis of Evil" (plus the Russians who apparently are still evil) Stealth doles out ridiculousness in doses far too great to not enjoy. Almost every line of dialogue and plot twist are both grin and groan-inducing. Even the audacity to make a film so offensive to intelligence is worth laughing at. As this "film" plods on gathering unintended laughs it falls squarely into the so-bad-it's-good category. After all it's hard to not like any movie that has the line, "Smack dab in the middle of downtown Rangoon."

It's hard to rate movies that are entertaining because of their lack of quality. One cannot deny the hilarity, however accidental, but should the filmmakers be rewarded for crapping out a terrible film? In the end I guess it has to be one star instead of five because Mr. Cohen, we were not laughing with you.



Hustle & Flow

Pimping is the ultimate consignment enterprise. Someone else has something to sell and you take a cut with a minimum of work and cost. No pawn shop in America though can approach the power dynamics to be found in a pimp-prostitute relationship. While you can always take your junk to another pawn shop trying skipping out on your pimp and see how easy it is. As with many foul professions pimping isn't necessarily wealth-producing or satisfying. That is certainly the case with D Jay (Terrence Howard) in Craig Brewer's Hustle & Flow. A struggling pimp from a rough part of Memphis, D Jay dreams of a better life. When an associate tips him off that Memphis rap phenom Skinny Black (Ludacris) is going to be in town for a yearly party he decides to try and cut a demo that will get him out of his lifestyle. One of the problems with an otherwise excellent film though is that D Jay doesn't seem to have a problem with pimping, he just wants a better life than it's giving him.

Terrence Howard's incredible performance is matched by two of his, um, employees. Taraji P. Henson as Shug is especially harrowing in a role that is nothing if not perfect in showing the fear & love polarity that often is a battered woman. Shug's interaction with D Jay in the latter half of the film is as good as anything to hit the screen this year with her alternating expressions of terror and adoration. Taryn Manning as Nola nearly matches her as a hooker/fiend. It is though, Terrence Howard that shines brightest in this film. His character's travels through a gritty Memphis combined with the excellent direction and photography are enough to make you scream at the director to have a character, any character at all, hint that pimping ain't the way to get ahead with one's soul intact. It could be worse, it could bizarrely glamorize the pimp as has been the case in some recent hip hop but it is true that D Jay's job passes without commentary throughout the film. It could be that Brewer was hoping that the unglamorous conditions of D Jay's life would say what should be obvious to all but that would clash with a story line where some disciplined pimping opens doors. Pimps can certainly be victims of circumstance, as is the case in this film and as such one could in theory have a pimp as a protagonist. It would likely be much more revealing though to see this same story through the eyes of the prostitute that D Jay unceremoniously evicts with about one minute's notice with child in tow. An incredible piece of art is undone by the film's fundamental message: If you can manipulate a girl into blowing a guy for a mic you too might be able to get ahead.



March of the Penguins

In the United States there is a dearth of nurturing father figure role models. Whether athletes, artists, celebrities or politicians, the prominent males of our society seem to do little to change or challenge traditional gender roles. Luckily we can turn our eyes to March of the Penguins and Antarctica to the emperor penguins to find dads that are willing to share the rearing equally with moms (not that this reviewer is suggesting that American males should go a few months without eating for the sake of their offspring as emperor penguins do although given another problem of American society missing a few meals might not be that bad an idea...).

Narrated by Morgan Freeman at his most grandfatherly, MOTP is not a nature film in the traditional sense. One doesn't learn what makes emperor penguins different from other penguins, how they store food, how often they molt, where they live for the non-mating season, how they play or even much about what they eat. Instead, the film parses out lessons of love, life and death using the mating season of the emperor penguin as a backdrop for ideas that often are dropped quite heavily in fictional narratives. Early on when Mr. Freeman states that this "is a love story" he speaks the truth

The photography is as striking as one would expect for a film taking the best 84 minutes from a year-long shoot. Capturing many shots that prompt "oohs", "aahs" and "awws" (with neatly timed pauses in the narration for crowd reaction), the film is well-paced and remarkably engaging for not really having a story to follow. Especially uncommon for a G-rated film are the artful depictions of the arbitrary, tragic and brutal nature of death. Done in a way that children can both stomach and understand the film could be recommended for children for that alone. Alas though, March of the Penguins is watchable for adults too. This eyes-closed arms-around-neck sloppy wet-kiss to emperor penguins is to be recommended to folks in search of a bit of uplifting entertainment.



Wedding Crashers

This review has a couple of spoilers!!!!!




So this guy is a regular presence at weddings. He's entertains the guests and is well-received by everybody. He falls for a girl. The girl is with this other guy that has a lot going for him but just might be a total jackass. Now this guy has to attempt to woo an engaged girl in order for the film to have a happy ending. Sound familiar? Well the lead story line isn't the only thing that Wedding Crashers shares with 1998's The Wedding Singer. The best friend of the lead male has a potential love interest in the lead female's sister. Wedding Crashers even lifts Ellen Albertini Dow as a feisty old lady that likes to say things that old lady's just don't say. In many important ways Wedding Crashers is The Wedding Singer with Owen Wilson standing in for Adam Sandler and Vince Vaughn playing an enlarged version of Allen Covert's role. In perhaps the most unfortunate shared trait, it slaps a lazy script on a can't-miss comedy idea.

The film opens promisingly with John Beckwith and Jeremy Klein (Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn) hyped about the start of "wedding season", a time of year when they can hit weddings and find food, drinks and sex o'plenty from women in an emotionally-compromised state. Taking on guises to match the culture or ethnicity of the weddings they crash they eat, drink and screw their way through a series of receptions leading up to the wedding for a daughter of the Secretary of Treasury (Christopher Walken) and there the plot thickens...way too much. Dropping moments of brilliant hilarity over by-the-numbers romantic comedy schmaltz Wilson falls hard for one of Secretary Cleary's other daughters Claire Cleary (Rachel McAdams). There's probably a lot of fun to be had in letting Wilson try to salvage a romance when his love interest knows his job, name, and life history, just not the real ones. However director David Dobkin (Shanghai Knights) carefully steers clear of most humorous areas to take the road well-traveled. There's even a montage of broken-hearted would-be lovers over a sad guitar song, ouch. Alas comes the inevitable confrontation at the altar where the script actually acknowledges the cliché out loud but refuses to seek shelter in self-parody.

Despite the crappy writing, just barely competent direction and being a good 25 minutes too long at 119 min., Wedding Crashers still generates enough goodwill to just about be worth seeing at a matinee price. The team of Christopher Walken, Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn are capable of mining humor out of the most dreadful material and they intermittently succeed at making the movie laugh-out-loud funny. There are great scenes between Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson that seem like they came from a different, much better film. McAdams and Wilson have chemistry enough to make the attraction easy to swallow and a memorable late-film cameo by Will Ferrell brings a burst of much-needed hilarity to one of the most painfully syrupy parts of the film.

Wedding Crashers is a film that in a way makes me think about last year's Manchurian Candidate. Though the original was a classic piece of fantastic paranoia, someone felt compelled to remake it anyway. Though the remake does justice to the original, it begs the question, why remake a great film? Why not remake a film that could have been great but wasn't? Here's hoping someone does that for Wedding Crashers in the future.

On DVD

The O.C.: The Complete First Season

The characters:

Marissa Cooper (Mischa Barton): Emotionally and intellectually retarded, Marissa is the daughter of corporate criminal Jimmy Cooper. She has little control over her life and even less over her ocular and facial muscles. Somewhat the klepto, once after attempting suicide in Tijuana she was nearly victimized by an exceptionally dark Mexican.

Jimmy Cooper (Tate Donovan): Father to Marissa & Kaitlin and ex-ish-husband to Julie, Jimmy is a massive corporate criminal and would-be adulterer. To protect himself Jimmy stole from investors, lied to his family, begged money from his neighbors and tried to break up a marriage. He's one of the good guys.

Ryan Atwood (Benjamin McKenzie): Rarely using his entire mouth to talk, Ryan has a poor alcoholic mother, a brother and father in prison and comes from an economically-depressed neighborhood. As such Ryan is prone to violence, arson, car theft and other problems. If he isn't the cause, his lower class history ensures that he is at least involved in any trouble. He is prone to openmouthed stares, violent outbursts, partial comprehension and heavy side to side action when walking. Ryan is "streetwise".

Seth Cohen (Adam Brody): The grandson of Caleb Nichol, Newport Beach's richest man, Seth is an unbelievably wealthy teenager in a community full of them but dammit, he's not happy about it. He reads comics, skates and seems almost human, albeit very naive. Seth has normally has no luck with woman but then has two women after him and he immediately begins to manipulate them for his own gain. As Ryan's half-brother it's his job to help him to acclimate to life amongst the rich and the famous. Also as Ryan's half-brother, it's his job to be victimized whenever he comes into contact with lower-class associates of Ryan.

Luke Ward (Chris Carmack): Captain of the water polo team, Luke is the angry violent jackass boyfriend of Marissa (pre-Ryan). He's also a sensitive gentle victim ex-bofriend of Marissa (post-Ryan). Hmmm, perhaps he should have been two characters. He finds out that his father is gay and is immediately persecuted by the entire community, all of whom are apparently virulent homophobes. Once after being taunted by members of an opposing team he and best friend/arch enemy Ryan fight two of the team and then are apparently hurt by the rest of the team. Instead of being pummeled as one would expect and as described, the face of Luke appears as if the pugilists somehow gave him a massive herpes flare-up. Luke once met a poor person and was immediately shot.

Kirsten Cohen (Kelly Rowan): The incomprehensibly-rich daughter of Caleb Nichols and foster mother to Ryan, Kirsten is a real estate mogul that doesn't mind destroying the environment to build a housing development...until her husband enlightens her how evil she is. A slave to her father Kirsten is not judgmental of lower-class people unless she comes into contact with them. Kirsten is a total square.

Summer Roberts (Rachel Bilson): Summer Roberts is Jackie from That 70's Show. Exactly Jackie. There is zero difference in character although Summer might be wealthier.

Sandy Cohen (Peter Gallagher): A longtime public defender Sandy helps the poor and defenseless until he gets an offer from a high-paying corporate law firm that was impressed by his defense of corporate criminal Jimmy Cooper. Sandy is the witty foster-dad of Ryan and husband to Kirsten. As a lower-class Jew from the Bronx Sandy is a fish out of water in Newport Beach and he shows it by reluctantly and glibly accepting wealth and glamour.

Anna Stern (Samaire Armstrong): Anna is the only genuinely cool person in Newport Beach, probably because she is from Pittsburgh. She once sailed to Tahiti.

The show:

There's something oddly endearing about this show despite the bad acting and writing. It's kind of fascinating in a train-wreck kind of way. For some reason the problems of these rich white kids are so bizarre and ridiculous that one can't help but find hilarity in the melodrama. One of the finest moments of unintentional comedy comes with Ryan's slow-mo dash to Marissa to beat the clock for a New Year's kiss before she kisses some guy that lives at the Four Seasons. A dynamite soundtrack adds something to this teen drama that has been missing from others. As it is though it's not enough to redeem the rather ridiculous class problems that effect the show. Additionally there is zero diversity in this first season (well, there is a white girl from Pittsburgh...). In a show this watchable it could bring race and class issues in through the back door by discussing those less fortunate or noticing the absence of all but whitey, without sacrificing the unintended laughs or the melodrama. Oh well, maybe in season two.

Suspect Zero

This movie sucked ass big time. A serial killer that taunts an FBI agent haunted by his own personal demons...how fucking original. While director E. Elias Merhige certainly knows how to frame a shot, there is no sign that he understands the craft of pacing a story.

The incoherent mess that is Suspect Zero follows Aaron Eckhart as an FBI agent sent to Albuquerque after being a bad boy in Dallas. As Eckhart pops pills to try and keep the migraines down he has to deal with skeptical bosses, old flames and this visions, oh these awful visions! As the hints pile up and the agent gets closer to the killer the film gets more and more hamfisted diving headfirst into a pool of cliche and the supernatural. Who knows if the unorthodox methods of Eckhart will get results? Unfortunately I do as I did not turn off the film.

The Special Features of the DVD are really disappointing. Much of the film-time continuum is dedicated to trying to pass off the wacky "remote viewing" of the movie as plausible. If I had made this film though I suppose I'd try to make it as real as possible on the DVD as well as the movie itself isn't going to do the trick.

The DP earns this film one star and Ben Kingsley plays crazy great, that's the second star. Aaron Eckhart is at best unconvincing and Carrie Anne Moss and Harry Lennix looked as bored as I was.



That's all for now. Farmer's market tomorrow. Be there or be square fool.