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LOCAL Announcement :: Miscellaneous

EXTRA! EXTRA! CHICAGOLAND ANARCHIST NETWORK LEADERSHIP USURPED BY DICTATOR IN COUP D�ETATES! [Satire]

Out with the old and in with the new!
When one group (the dictatorship of Jennie and Liberte) rules another (the Chicagoland Anarchist Network), the relationship between the two is political (and emotional). When such an arrangement is carried out over a long period of time it develops an ideology. That ideology and the aforementioned group have since been usurped by a lone wolf: Facilitator 4 EvA.

Facilitator 4 EvA, AKA, Ted, has taken the reins of CAN promising an end to almost a year of emotional destruction, isolation, identity politics, and anarchism.

In what can only be described as "the rage of all women condensed to the point of explosion,� a chaotic scene overtook CAN raining down golden showers and confetti.

While mopping up the mess Jennie and Liberte noticed that a power vacuum had emerged and they had been replaced, cleaning up the aforementioned explosion.

�I was going to email Jennie and Liberte about this personally, you know, to clear up the
confusion,� the new CAN dictator said. �But those two are ridiculous because they made some indignant public statement over the fact that they were the only ones cleaning up the mess,� he continued. �So while they were mopping up golden showers and confetti, I was raking in the power!�

The new dictator of CAN stated that although he had only been involved for a few months, he was able to garner support bringing him to power relatively easily.

When asked about his inexperience ruling a group of anarchists the new dictator had this to say.

�The old dictators just didn�t understand how to rule with an iron fist. Sure, I�m young and inexperienced, but at the same time my heart is in the right place and my fist is bigger, heavier, and more iron than their fist will ever be.�

Facilitator 4 EvA told this reporter about the new direction he will be taking CAN.

�CAN as an emotional roller-coaster that was anti-rapist and anti-snitch is about to get an overhaul. We absolutely cannot take any kind of principled stance� especially anything with the word �anti� in front of it,� he said. �I see CAN heading in a radically different direction. Emotions are unimportant and won�t be tolerated. We aren�t anti-emotion; we just don�t want anything that will �rock the boat.��

At this point, the dictator held out his arms and hands and clutched the air as if he was in a row boat in extremely choppy water.

He continued, �Also, as far as anarchism is concerned, well, what�s that?! I mean, do people still practice this junk? Cause for us, it�s going to be holding hands, dancing in circles, and rolling in the grass.�

When asked for a comment, all that could be heard from the previous regime was grumbling, whining, and crying. To that, this reporter has to say, �SO LONG LOSERS!�

The dictator made it apparent that CAN now implies emotional light-heartedness, inclusion of anyone, a deep sense of non-commitment, and a spirit of lifestylism. The dictator stressed that while he doesn�t necessarily enjoy capitalism, it is the economic reality we all live in and that any other system is unfeasible and worthless to talk or dream about. This explains many aspects of the practical activity of the new regime, and the direction taken by many of the forces backing the new CAN dictator.

�Severe action has to be exercised towards those who would oppose this spontaneous and inevitable new direction of CAN by agitating outgrown ideologies of the previous dictatorship,� he said. �Great experiments in political and social transformations are being dared and old, spiteful relics of the past will not be tolerated.�
He concluded, �Never before have the members of CAN thirsted for such authority, direction, and order, as they do now!�

VIVA LA DICTADURA!
 
 

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