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February 1, 2005

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From: "Darrin Weyers" <dweyers (at) gmail.com> [Save Address] [Block Sender] [This Is Spam]
To: "Kevin Rath" <kevinr (at) lmi.net>
CC: "Megan Parkinson" <snifflenubbs (at) yahoo.com>, "Mark Batko" <mbatko (at) lycos.com>, "Landy Rath" <dlrath (at) earthlink.net>, "Kimiko Guthrie-Kupers" <k (at) dandeliondancetheater.org>, "John Lind" <johnlind01 (at) yahoo.com>, "Darrin Wayers" <darrin (at) darrinopolis.com>, "Darlys Dennert" <DADennert (at) moheck.com>, "Dan Rath" <drath (at) inventures.com>, "Victor Berg-Haglund" <SaronVSBH (at) aol.com>, Travis_Rath <travis (at) whitecrane.com>, "Brian Rath" <calad_bolg (at) yahoo.com>, "Karen-Home Rath" <krath (at) lmi.net>
Subject: Re: FW: Monty Python writer and our election
Date: Mon, 31 Jan 2005 18:04:31 -0800

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Brilliant! I have been advocating for roundabouts since even before my
2003 California Gubernatorial bid. They would change our whole outlook
on everything.

For those of you interesested in bathrobe based humour (yes, with a U)
there will be an encore performance of Midnight Big Lebowski at the
Act 1 & 2 in Berkeley this weekend. Friday night is the night I am
going. I expect Kevin and his manifesto to be there as well.

www.act1and2.com/biglebowski.html

Let's roll dude!






On Mon, 31 Jan 2005 17:43:15 -0800, Kevin Rath <kevinr (at) lmi.net> wrote:
>
> while i rarely send jokes to others via email, i thought some of you might
> enjoy this one.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Clif Ross [mailto:clifross1 (at) yahoo.com]
> Sent: Saturday, January 29, 2005 8:52 AM
> To: clifross (at) clifross.org
> Subject: Fwd: Monty Python writer and our election
>
> Hi,
> I thought you might find this amusing. Just when, in
> this crazy world, you were wondering where's Monty
> Python when we need him...
>
> > by John Cleese
> >
> > To the citizens of the United States of America,
> > in the light of your
> > failure to elect a competent President of the USA
> > and thus to govern
> > yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation
> > of your
> > independence, effective today.
> >
> > Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will
> > resume monarchical
> > duties over all states, commonwealths and other
> > territories. Except
> > Utah, which she does not fancy.
> >
> > Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony
> > Blair, MP for the
> > 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that
> > there is a world
> > outside your borders) will appoint a minister for
> > America without the
> > need for further elections. Congress and the Senate
> > will be disbanded.
> > A questionnaire will be circulated next year to
> > determine whether any
> > of you noticed.
> >
> > To aid in the transition to a British Crown
> > Dependency, the following
> > rules are introduced with immediate effect:
> >
> > 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford
> > English Dictionary.
> > Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation
> > guide. You will be
> > amazed at just how wrongly you have been
> > pronouncing it. The letter
> > 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour'
> > and 'neighbour', skipping
> > the letter U' is nothing more than laziness on your
> > part. Likewise, you
> > will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half
> > the letters. You will
> > end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced
> > 'zed' not 'zee') and
> > the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix
> > "ise." You will learn that
> > the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g.
> > Edinburgh. You are welcome to
> > respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope
> > with correct
> > pronunciation.
> >
> > Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to
> > acceptable levels. Look up
> > "vocabulary."
> >
> > Using the same twenty seven words interspersed
> > with filler noises
> > such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable
> > and inefficient form
> > of communication. Look up "interspersed." There
> > will be no more 'bleeps' in
> > the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough
> > to cope with bad language
> > then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn
> > to develop your
> > vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language
> > as
> > often.
> > 2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will
> > let Microsoft know on
> > your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be
> > adjusted to take account of
> > the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of
> > "-ize."
> >
> > 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and
> > Australian accents. It
> > really isn't that hard. English accents are not
> > limited to cockney,
> > upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).
> > You will also have to
> > learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish
> > dramas such as
> > "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with
> > subtitles. While we're talking
> > about regions, you must learn that there is no such
> > place as Devonshire in
> > England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you
> > persist in calling it
> > Devonshire, all American States will become "shires"
> > e.g. Texasshire,
> > Floridashire, Louisianashire.
> >
> > 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast
> > English actors as the
> > good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast
> > English actors to play
> > English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men
> > Behaving Badly" or "Red
> > Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a
> > wishy-washy American
> > audience who can't cope with the humour of
> > occasional political
> > incorrectness.
> >
> > 5. You should relearn your original national
> > anthem, "God Save The
> > Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1.
> > We would not want you to
> > get confused and give up half way through.
> >
> > 6. You should stop playing American "football."
> > There is only one kind of
> > football. What you refer to as American "football"
> > is not a very good game.
> > The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a
> > world outside your borders
> > may have noticed that no one else plays "American"
> > football. You will no
> > longer be allowed to play it, and should instead
> > play proper football.
> > Initially, it would be best if you played with the
> > girls. It is a difficult
> > game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be
> > allowed to play rugby
> > (which is similar to American "football", but does
> > not involve stopping for
> > a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar
> > body armour like
> > nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a
> > US Rugby sevens side by
> > 2005.
> >
> > You should stop playing baseball. It is not
> > reasonable to host an event
> > called the 'World Series' for a game which is not
> > played outside of
> > America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that
> > there is a world beyond
> > your borders, your error is understandable. Instead
> > of baseball, you will
> > be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders,"
> > which is baseball
> > without fancy team strip, oversized gloves,
> > collector cards or hotdogs.
> > 7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry
> > guns. You will no longer
> > be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous
> > in public than a
> > vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are
> > sensible enough to
> > handle potentially dangerous items, you will
> > require a permit if you wish
> > to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
> >
> > 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November
> > 2nd will be a new
> > national holiday, but only in England. It will be
> > called "Indecisive Day."
> >
> > 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are
> > crap and it is for your
> > own good. When we show you German cars, you will
> > understand what
> > we mean. All road intersections will be replaced
> > with roundabouts. You
> > will start driving on the left with immediate
> > effect. At the same time, you
> > will go metric with immediate effect and without
> > the benefit of conversion
> > tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you
> > understand the British
> > sense of humour.
> >
> > 10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things
> > you call French fries
> > are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they
> > are Belgian though
> > 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered
> > fries while in Europe) are
> > not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things
> > you insist on calling
> > potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real
> > chips are thick cut and
> > fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment
> > to chips is beer which
> > should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be
> > trained to be more
> > aggressive with customers.
> >
> > 11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per
> > cup will be added to all
> > tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts,
> > this quantity to be
> > doubled for tea made within the city of Boston
> > itself.
> >
> > 12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling
> > beer is not actually
> > beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only
> > proper British Bitter will
> > be referred to as "beer," and European brews of
> > known and accepted
> > provenance will be referred to as "Lager." The
> > substances formerly known as
> > "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as
> > "Near-Frozen Knat's
> > Urine," with the exception of the product of the
> > American Budweiser company
> > whose product will be referred to as "Weak
> > Near-Frozen Knat's Urine." This
> > will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the
> > last 1000 years in
> > Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of
> > confusion.
> >
> > 13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol
> > (or "Gasoline," as you
> > will be permitted to keep calling it until April
> > 1st 2005) prices with the
> > former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to
> > those of the former USA and
> > the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol
> > prices (roughly $6/US
> > gallon get used to it).
> >
> > 14. You will learn to resolve personal issues
> > without using guns, lawyers
> > or therapists. The fact that you need so many
> > lawyers and therapists shows
> > that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns
> > should only be handled
> > by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things
> > out without suing
> > someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not
> > grown up enough to handle
> > a gun.
> >
> > 15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been
> > driving us crazy.
> >
> > 16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government
> > will be with you shortly to
> > ensure the acquisition of all revenues due
> > (backdated to 1776).
> >
> > Thank you for your co-operation
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
>




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