The Ode- ious Dick Times

The Dick Times: News that Bites!
Dateline Chicago: 10 October 2004
Researchers in our employ have just discovered
an unpublished manuscript in the classics collection
ot the Library of Congress. Its authorship is unknown,
and the individual
therein vilified
cannot be identified!

To a Cretin Urn

O, crack'd vessel,
well turned but weakly fired,
they kiln a few logs short
of Porcelain's required degree!

Thy surface, drawn most skillfully
depicting scenes most fraught
with perfidy

The central figure,
limbed upon thy well glazed form
a scion of dynastic generation

He, venerated as a saint
by somewhat less than half the nation
here in stolid pose,
has risen to majestic heights

Now sticking leech-like to his countrymen,
clings in desperation as he drains
their treasure, blood, and hope

Forfeiting their future
for a dream
of world domination!

A travesty of misplaced hagiography
thus captured in thy sensuous lines,
this issue of patrician loins

but seemingly in need of
stem cell remitted tissue
of the brain

Barren of nobility
and empty of all higher sensibility
a cancer on the body politic

He makes me sick

Ah! Ugh! What vapid churl
comports himself upon the vase,
its well turned mouth a pouring spout
just wide enough
to snag my hurl!

Anon.