I realize that your televangelists have convinced you all that when the Rapture comes good Christians will simply disappear from the Earth and reappear in Heaven. I regret to disappoint you, but it's not so simple. As I am sure you are aware, you have never witnessed anyone "just disappear." In fact, throughout your life, unless you were under the influence of mind altering chemicals, you've never seen anything violate the laws of physics. There is a reason for this. You see, the laws of physics are My laws. I made them and I expect everything to follow them. Therefore, there will be no "just disappearing" for this one. You actually need to report to the right location and wait for the Rapture.

The Rapture will be taking place soon. In fact, it could take place tomorrow. If you do not wish to be left behind, I suggest you get moving now. Time is of the essence. The Rapture will take place on the summit of Mt. St. Helens. I have already started the process. The earthquakes around the mountain signal my preparations. All followers of my blessed chosen one, George Bush, are to report to the summit immediately. I cannot stress with greater force just how important this is. Consider it the final test of your faith in me. As many of you like to say, "Faith can move a mountain." Indeed, this is true, so come along, climb up to the summit and if your faith is great enough, the whole top of the mountain and my chosen followers will enjoy a ride to heaven.

All aboard!

Love, God