Why is it that the Republicans have all the good ideas?

They came up with the idea of invading Iraq--perfect for ralling the jingoistic yahoos. They came up with the idea of using an acronym for their attack on civil liberties so it would be called the USA PATRIOT Act, forcing its opponents into being against patriotism. Now they've come up with the way to win debates--they’ve seemingly given their incoherent and intellectually-challenged candidate a secret little earplug connected to a wireless receiver, so that he can be provided with answers and clever lines when he comes up empty.

Remember the peculiar interjection "Now let me finish!" which Bush blurted out angrily during the recent debate with John Kerry? It attracted the attention of commentators and observers, because no one had interrupted him.

No one we could hear, that is.

But what if someone, realizing that the president was flailing around desperately for an answer, had jumped into his earpiece, irritating him.

In fact, a hidden wire connected to Karl Rove or some flunky transmitting for Rove would explain Bush's peculiar, hunched over stance and his frequent expressions of annoyance, as well as the uncomfortably long silences at odd points in his statements…which looked just as if he were listening carefully to some instructions!

We shouldn't be surprised if it has come to this. Remember how Ronald Reagan used to use cue cards for everything? He even had cards that reminded him to say "Good Afternoon" when meeting a head of state (I guess out of fear he might say "Good Morning" when it was afternoon).

Still, a debate is supposed to be a test of wits between two candidates, not between one candidate and another candidate's staff.

The suspicion that George Bush was literally channeling Karl Rove during the debate last week was first raised by blogger Joseph Cannon (see Cannonfire), who says his girlfriend, during a replaying of the debate, noticed what looked like a wire running down the back of Bush's jacket.

Cannon notes that others have noticed Bush appearing to wear a hearing aid at speaking events, though he has no known hearing impairment, and further suggests that technological advances now permit the implanting, in tooth or in the inner ear, of hearing devices that would be totally invisible but might nonetheless require a more noticeable receiver somewhere else on the body.

(Note to readers. Everone should start scanning through Bush photos on line, looking for a telltale bulge on his jacket, or for a wire.)



For the rest of this column, please go (at no charge) to This Can't Be Happening! .