De ma réforme militaire

1969
because, worst of all, the call, I had anticipated
The army
Do everything to be reformed
Suippes
Dismal military artillery camp, enough to depress
And barely arrived
Without knowing it, I had pushed
A lieutenant colonel in fatigues
It was flattering, I took it
For a recruit, a conscript
I therefore had to act for my reform
Not meeting any standards
And with a friend in complicity
Who notified the military hierarchy
Because, leaving on the railway track
And at night, we don't see clearly
Because I falsely wanted to kill myself
But outside the military field
And so I had deserted
Instead of being crushed by the train
I went to see the gatekeeper
Who brought me back half or almost naked
After eating well with him
So in this military camp
And to the infirmary, I went!
Then, they didn't want to reform me
And so I made another false attempt
Breaking my glasses, and swallowing them
With breadcrumbs, for the x-ray, being done
There, in Châlons-sur-Marne, I was evacuated
And where I wasn't even reformed
For this, in Nancy, I had to be transferred
T2, temporary, for one year
For advice from the colonels, in the meantime
And, phew, definitely reformed
Just before, and within a few days
But this was done on purpose
To not pay me a military pension
It would have been especially funny
Almost more than three months of acting like a puppet
With two false suicide attempts
After deserting, and burning my military clothing
To warm me, at night, the cold (-15) January, was the air
I couldn't hold on to this reactionary anymore
Otherwise, it was direct desertion, England
Lieutenant Colonel
Had understood that I wanted to look good
For him, I was a strong head
Earthen pot versus iron pot
What is this story ? to displease him
That I answered him, full of gall
He threatened to put me in a fortress
But my ruse was too distressed
Me, I wanted to get up whenever I wanted
I wanted to do what I wanted!
No code, I didn't want to respect
Besides, the chief adjutant called me constipated
Thank you, to this forgotten friend and complicity
Moreover, he wanted to do his army time
Strong head?
In any case, I did what I wanted!
The other badasses told me
You are stupid, the service, doing it, you had to
Alone against almost an entire regiment
And already, and again, rebellious, antimilitarist, anarchist
Suippes, the worst military camp
Besides, now it's for waste
Once upon a time, everything was out of date there, in fact
Near Châlons-sur-Marne
Becoming more glamorous in Châlons-en-Champagne
To erase everything from this pole of plenty
I had to go to the Nancy reform council
Because in Châlons-sur-Marne, the reform, no more folds
And COLONEL first, psychiatrist in the event
Moreover, with the most fascist colonel psychiatrist, I was passed
Finally, therefore, the council of the colonels of Paris
A camp, therefore, where people died of pneumonia
Everything there dated from 1914/1918, everything rotten
I had nightmares about it for many years
Where I was called back late
And there, all by assault, I took, with a tank
Phew, I was able to escape
Alas, others remained there
Diseases or failed reforms
Me, I was almost always in the infirmary or the hospital
Because military stupidity hurt me too much
And forgetting can't make me say everything
It is enough, between the lines, to know how to read
By car, the very future factotum of Coluche
Jean-Michel Vaguelsy, came to pick me up
Because I was nevertheless naive and stupid
And from the camp, I had to exfiltrate
In short, curtain, on this bad stuffed animal
Memory, poorly erased, all of it peels away!

Patrice Faubert (2024) puète, peuète, pouète, paraphysisien (http://patrice.faubert.over-blog.com/)