Chairman Bob Avakian told assembled reporters in the Rose Garden of the White House that he would not go to Argentina for the Summit of the Americas. "I've been out of the country too f*****g long, already, you know?" said the Harried Helmsman.

Chairman Avakian has described himself as liking to pig-out on French cuisine due to his long exile in Paris, and is eager to get the White House chef cracking on some of his favorite recipes.

The Chairman chided Hugo Chavez for spending time organizing the workers and turning idle plants over to them. "Its done by selecting just the right slogan, and then willing the leap to state power to happen," intoned the Chairman.