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American Senator Killed In Freak Accident With Religious Sect

American Senator Richard Durbin Succumbs In Highway Collision With Members of the Amish Sect, A Religious Group That Adheres to an 18th Century Lifestyle and Dogma
SPRINGFIELD -- A tragic wreck on an icy, two-lane highway in Southern Illinois between a donkey-drawn carriage, and a U.S.-government issued limosine, has apparently resulted in the untimely, accidental death of American Senator Richard Durbin. A Durbin, a Democrat, aged 56, was the senior Illinois senator in the U.S. Congress, and earlier served in the United States House of Representatives. The Senator is to be replaced in office by his half-brother, Clive. Clive Durbin is the illegitimate son of Ruth Durbin and an unemployed postal clerk from Pekin, Illinois.
"We've never been close -- I hardly knew Dicky," said Clive, in a telephone interview.
Clive owns a hatmaking shop in the suburbs of Springfield, Illinois, which caters to wealthy customers. He promised to register to vote immediately, so as to qualify for the expected appointment to fill his brother's Senate seat. He also pledged to toe the Democratic Party line, and vote with the Democratic leadership "on every issue. I will be a loyal Democrat."
Reacting to the tragedy, he said he is taking Jean Carnahan as a role model for his new position. Carnahan, widow of the late Missouri Governor, Mel Carnahan, asked supporters to vote for her husband last November, even though, by all accounts, he was completely dead himself on election day.
"It has never been my ambition to be in public life," said Clive. "I like hats. Hats are what I do. But the call of public service sometimes comes in odd ways."
Clive got that call at 11:45 p.m. last evening from Illinois State Police, who had pried what looked like the corpse of the Senator from Illinois from the flaming vehicle wreck.
Moments earlier, Durbin, whose blood-alcohol level was "astonishingly high, even for a Senator," according to a spot check by police, was behind the wheel of a 1998 Lincoln Town Car, with U.S. Senate license plates. He tried to pass an Amish family -- members of a religious sect that adheres to an 18th century lifestyle and religious doctrine. However, his car skidded uncontrollably on the icy terrain, and careened into the Amish carriage, killing the donkey pulling it, as well as himself.
"We loved that donkey," said Josiah Whelper, the Amish farmer, who was driving the carriage. "And we awful sad about Mister Senator's passing."
Durbin's badly decomposed corpose -- sans his head, which was apparently sheared off during the freak collision -- is in transit to a military hospital in Washington D.C. for a complete autopsy. The search for his missing head will resume when winter weather permits.
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For More Information, Contact Durbin's Office at Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C., 202-224-3121
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