March 1, 2007
Senator Dick Durbin
The Federal Building
Dear Senator Dick Durbin:
As voting clowns in the state of Illinois we have been seriously concerned as many citizens are about recent developments with the escalation of troops in Iraq. We are thrilled that our Senator is chairman of the new subcommittee on Human Rights and the Law, and we appreciated your comments that you posted on your website in regards to the Geneva Conventions and we believe that you will be sympathetic to our cause.
At first we were concerned about the use of private armies in Iraq especially in Abu Grape to torture prisoners. BUT we realized that the best answer is to use the best and the brightest of the citizens of this country to solve the problem. YES you should use private armies. YES as Colin Powell said if you break it you bought it and we should clean up our own mess in Iraq. And YES we want a Piece Of Our Pie too. We are a private army and we do believe we could do a much better job obeying the constitution than all of the other private armies combined.
In this light we respectfully request a meeting with you to discuss our forthcoming millitary private contract bid.
We have many skills that all the other private armies have, and we would like a fair chance to explain these to you so that we are in the best position to win a no-bid contract, like Halliburton and China.
We are sure that you will be sympathetic and look forward to hearing from you,
Cordially,
The Special Branch of the Clandestine Insurgent Rebel Clown Army
Sub Lieu Tenant