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Minus Five #3

A look at various recent current news events, written in the style (but not the ethics) of Steve Rosenbloom.
MINUS ONE--STYLE OVER SUBSTANCE?

An August 5, 2001 headline from AFP read: "World Bank chief slams 'superficial' anti-globalization protests." Said James Wolfensohn in the accompanying article: "My worry is that the real issues of poverty, of AIDS, of corruption of the things that we're trying to fight, get pushed to a back burner and you see on the front page really the superficialities of the protests."

He's right that corporate new$paper$ don't cover matters of substance, but hey, who was able to get extensively quoted in AFP without any opposing response? And who's tarred as violent thugs--overwhelmingly peaceful protesters beaten by police and violent infiltrators, or privatization-happy suits touting structural adjustment?

On the whole, Wolfensohn's remarks seem to be...superficial.

MINUS TWO--ONE.

A headline in the August 23, 2001, business page of the New York Times (page C4) read: "Toyota Developing a Fuel Cell Vehicle."

*A* fuel-cell vehicle? Exactly one?

How about a headline about the number of NON-fuel-cell vehicles that Toyota is developing?

MINUS THREE--UPON FURTHER REVIEW...

In the August 15, 2001, Chicago Tribune, a headline on page A10 read: "Petroleum-happy, anti-environment, pro-death, pro-corporate greed electoral thief touts character, moral values."

Actually, let me apologize. After I took another look at the headline, I must admit that it didn't actually say that. The first 11 words before "touts" in that headline have to be replaced by a single word:

Bush.

MINUS FOUR--LOOKING FORWARD.

The New York Times published a letter to the Sports Editor from Ann Arbor's Dragomir R. Radev (July 22, 2001, pg. 32): "The 1936 Olympics were given to Berlin, and the Nazis fell nine years later. Moscow got the 1980 Olympics and witnessed, nine years later, the end of Communism. I am personally looking forward to 2017."

But are the Chinese looking forward to 2005 or 2011?

MINUS FIVE--WHAT'S NOT TO SAY?

In late August 2001, segregationist homophobic blowhard Jesse Helms announced that he would not run for the U.S. Senate in 2002 elections.

[insert your witticism here]
 
 

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