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Minus Five #2

A witty look at various recent current news events from the past week,
written in the style (but not the ethics) of Steve Rosenbloom.
MINUS ONE--GENOA ON MY MIND

"Genoa is Ready for Talks, and for Trouble", read a surprisingly accurate headline on the front page of the July 19, 2001 New York Times right before G-8.

Genoa hosted talks and colloquia from various coalitions, organizations, and citizens at the "Genoa Global Forum" (as the Times initially called the Genoa Social Forum).

Anyone reading this already knows about the trouble that the police caused and provoked all weekend long.

For once, the newspaper told it like it is. Except that you had to read the paper with a certain orientation.

Upside-down.

MINUS TWO--GENOA STILL ON MY MIND

"President" Bush dissed the organizing and educational efforts of tens thousands of dedicated activists in Genoa during G-8. As quoted in the New York Times (July 19, 2001, pg. A12), Bush said the protesters were "voices of isolationism and protection", even though he spent the weekend isolated in the Red Zone and protected from police-wrought violence outside.

Bush also said that the protesters are "condemning people to poverty as far as I'm concerned", even though he advocated neoliberal policies which condemn hundreds of millions to poverty.

While the Genoa city streets were filled this past weekend with members of Ya Basta, the Ducal Palace was filled with members of Ya Bastards.

MINUS THREE--DATELINE, PLANET OBVIOUS

"Age-bias complaints up sharply", screamed a huge front-page headline in the July 15, 2001 Chicago Tribune. A big surprise, considering the fact that, as Sara Rix of the AARP said in the article accompanying this headline, "we are also seeing a significant aging of the labor force."

This is sure to join the pantheon of immortal Tribune headlines, like "Water Is Wet," "Grass Is Green," and "Dewey Defeats Truman."

MINUS FOUR--EAT YOUR HEART OUT, AL CAPONE

"Tax enforcer says cheating is on the rise", said a July 19, 2001 headline on the front page of the Business Section the New York Times. Alcoa-boy Paul O'Neill said tax evasion by Americans is rising, while testifying before the Senate Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations (a name that falls rather than rolls off the tongue).

Looks like Americans don't need "President" Bush to help them out with a tax break. Looks like Americans just help themselves.

American corporations too.

MINUS FIVE--I DARE YOU TRY TO COME UP WITH A CUTE PUN WITH "OREGON DEMOCRATIC PARTY" IN IT

From the New York Times, July 23, 2001, page A15: " The Oregon Democratic Party endorsed a drive...to impeach five United States Supreme Court justices for the decision that effectively gave George W. Bush the presidency last year. The party's central committee voted overwhelmingly to begin a campaign it hoped would take the issue to the House of Representatives, which has the authority to impeach justices."

Why stop at the Supreme Court?
 
 

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