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Terror Alert: Iraqi Children Threaten U.S.A.

Secretary of State Colin Powell revealed disturbing information "confirming" links between the Al-Qaeda terror network and Iraqi children ages 0 to 13 today.
TERROR ALERT: Iraqi Children Threaten U.S.A.

Martin Mueller
UPI

Secretary of State Colin Powell revealed yet more disturbing information "confirming" links between the Al-Qaeda terror network and Iraqi children ages 0 to 13 today. A chorus of "ooohs" and "aaaahs" followed the revelation at the White House, where Bush administration officials were adamantly "not" "dining on" "strudel, strumpets [sic] or baguettes."

In the wake of yet another UNICEF report detailing the extent and depth of the genocide caused by 12 years of unprecedented economic sanctions against Iraq, Powell told a docile, compliant Senate Intelligence Committee last week that "those Iraqi children have been training for years in Al-Qaeda camps sponsored by Saddam. Those Arab kids specialize in contorting their bodies to make it appear that they are starving, or to make it look like they have deforming cancers in their bodies - whenever Western cameras are in the area. We have Documented Evidence (DE) linking these Iraqi deceivers to the Evil One himself. Those kids are mostly bastards anyways. Think trailer trash."

Though a hologram of the Saudi-born Evil One later in the week urged the Muslim people of Iraq to rise up against the Iraqi Evil One, thus placing a link between Al-Qaeda and the U.S.A. within plain view, Powell snickered.

"This is serious business," claimed Powell. We've established beyond a doubt the relationship between the number one Evil One and the other Evil One. It's in all the [U.S.] papers (bracketed phrase added). Fuck Doestoyevsky and Pushkin and those faggy Existentialists and that dick Gunther Grass."

Asked what author Secretary of State prefers to "the faggy dicks" of Olde Europe, Powell referred readers to the Collected Legal Opinions of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas.

"If it weren't for the crucial decision-making under pressure of Justice Thomas, I wouldn't even be here today," intoned a teary Powell. "Justice Thomas is truly an inspiration for me."
 
 

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