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Preaching Literacy to the Converted: Bush Makes Known His Plan

Early this month, newly-anointed President George W. Bush revealed a new initiative aimed at destroying what he called the "epidermis of illiteracy infecting the nation." Called Faithful Families in Karing Kommunities Kreate (FFinKKK) , the plan will be administered by the controversial White House Office of Faith-Based and Community Initiatives.
Early this month, newly-anointed President George W. Bush revealed a new initiative aimed at destroying what he called the "epidermis of illiteracy infecting the nation." The newly-funded literacy program, which will receive $30 million in federal funds in its first two weeks, will be called Faithful Families in Karing Kommunities Kreate (FFinKKK). This bold new world of learning will be administered by the controversial White House Office of
Faith-Based and Community Initiatives.

President Bush, appearing at the National Prayer Breakfast at the posh Hilton Hotel in the nation's capitol, spoke about his desire to see illiteracy in America eviscerated by the end of his two terms.

"I feel that I am doing the right thing, by creating Faithful Families in Karing Kommunities Kreate," said President Bush. "I did a pretty good job in school, and find myself reading the Bible whenever I feel blue. I feel the
Bible is the best learning text for the adult illitirate. The Bible speaks truths to everybody, Christian, Jew, Muslim, or undecided." He added, "I did a pretty good job when it came to picking my wife, by the way."

The rabble-rousing American Civil Liberties Union today said that President Bush's new literacy initiative to give tax dollars to religious organizations for literacy services would lead to discrimination in employment and services,
and a dangerous loosening of licensing and standards for providers of social services.

"Poppycock," said the President. "Every President since the first one I can remember, Dwight Eisenhower, has taken part in this great tradition. As the Book of James reminds us, fresh water and salt water cannot flow from the same spring."

Asked by faith-based journalists what other texts might fill the curriculum of FFinKK, Bush alluded to the possibility that he couldn't say exactly. "There's so many books out there, and magazines, too. I've read the collected works of
Pat Robertson, and enjoyed the Limbaugh stuff. But we want to be inclusive, no faith or national origin ought to be singled out for special privileges. So we're looking at some of the important imported texts from Germany, real good
books by a spiritual leader with direct relevance for today's homeless, desperate illiterate. Has anybody read Goebbels? I think he speaks directly to families learning together."

Leftist agitators, who had infiltrated the National Prayer Breakfast by wearing the bland, grey outfits so revered by the beloved communities of America, were escorted to a nearby school-bus, a temporary holding zone for illegal
agitators.

"All those leftists ever talk is 'Paulo Friere this, Paulo Friere that," said Stephen Goldsmith, now a special advisor to President Bush. Goldsmith, who started the nation's first government-funded, faith-based programs while mayor of Indianapolis, will give the benediction at the opening Faithful Families in Karing Kommunities Kreate service.

Taxpayers for a New Tomorrow commended the President's generous funding for the literacy project, noting that the initial $30 million outlay will cover printing costs for quite a few Bibles and other essential texts.

Bush closed the National Prayer Breakfast with a rousing call to America's compassionate armies. "No matter what our background, in litiracy efforts both educators and participants share something universal - a desire to speak and listen to our Maker, and to know His plan for our lives."
 
 

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